Wisdom in Relationships

Jesus calls his followers to live with radical generosity, to love and make peace with their enemies, and to hunger and thirst for right relationships. He calls this way of life “a greater righteousness” because it fulfills God’s will for humanity expressed in Israel’s Scriptures, the Torah and Prophets. In this section of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus warns about traps we may face when trying to relate rightly with those around us.

In this guide, discover Jesus’ teaching about wisdom in relationships and explore related videos, podcast episodes, and more.

5:14 • Sermon on the Mount

Context

Matthew places the Sermon on the Mount within his larger narrative about Jesus that takes place in Jerusalem, Judea, Galilee, and the surrounding occupied lands of the Greco-Roman Empire between approximately 4 B.C.E. and 35 C.E. The book was likely composed sometime between 55 and 90 C.E.

Literary Styles

Matthew 7:1-12 (and the whole Sermon on the Mount found in Matthew 5-7) is primarily prose discourse.

Key Themes

The futility in judging or condemning others
Depending on God for good things
Trusting God’s wisdom
Right relating with others and the Golden Rule

Structure

Matthew 7:1-12 is the end of a larger literary unit, which begins in Matthew 5:17. The whole unit (Matthew 5:17-7:12) forms an inclusio, where the author places similar material at the beginning and the end. In this case, the unit begins with an emphasis on righteousness, or doing right by others, and it ends with the same emphasis by articulating the Golden Rule. In verses 7:1-12, Jesus instructs listeners to avoid judging one another and to always rely on God’s wisdom and provision. Both instructions provide examples of rightly relating to God and others, and at the end of Matthew 7:1-12, Jesus calls us to treat others as we would like to be treated.

Do Not Judge

As he teaches God’s wisdom, Jesus talks about how God-given laws are sometimes interpreted and practiced. Jesus values and faithfully honors God’s law (also called the Torah and Prophets), but he also recognizes the dangerous tendency of some people to use God-given laws to judge others. A person’s earnest quest to learn God’s law and do what is right is a good thing. But that same quest can lead to pride and judgment—both of which are harmful to relationships with others. So Jesus begins with this very direct prohibition: “Do not judge” (Matthew 7:1).

Jesus often teaches people to discern light from dark, life from death, and good from evil. So “do not judge” does not mean “do not discern.” Rather, he wants people to learn and practice wise discernment. But wise discernment should lead to attitudes of humility, mercy, and forgiveness toward all. When Jesus says “do not judge,” he’s talking about condemning others or treating others with contempt. How do we want to be judged? And by what standard do we want to be measured? We can act from the understanding that we all want to be judged fairly and mercifully.

A Speck in the Eye

The problem is, we’re often unaware of our own character flaws and the biases that distort how we see others. This is why Jesus continues with a well-known parable.

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“Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but you don’t notice the beam in your own eye?”

Matthew 7:3 Keep Reading

Jesus redirects our impulse to judge others and creates instead an opportunity for critical self-reflection. For example, when we see someone yelling in anger and we notice ourselves judging them, we can take the opportunity to reflect on our own issues with anger. Jesus says as much as he continues the parable.

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“First take the beam out of your own eye, and then you can see clearly the speck in your brother’s eye.”

Matthew 7:5 Keep Reading

After we’ve dealt with our issues, we may think it’s time to remove the speck. But Jesus doesn’t actually give a formula for what to do next.

Pearls in Front of Pigs

If we notice that a person’s choices are clearly hurting them, shouldn’t we offer help and correct them? Not always. Sometimes people are not in a place to receive help, so it’s unwise to force help upon them. Jesus uses a riddle to make this point.

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“Do not give what is holy to dogs, and don’t throw your pearls in front of pigs.”

Matthew 7:6 Keep Reading

Here, Jesus draws on an idea from a biblical proverb.

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“Don’t correct a fool, or you could become like them.”

Proverbs 26:4 Keep Reading

So does this mean we should leave people to their own ruin? Not necessarily. Sometimes it’s right to step in and help. The same proverb continues:

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“Correct a fool according to his folly, or else he’ll be wise in his own eyes.”

Proverbs 26:5 Keep Reading

We need discernment and wisdom to know when to correct and when to remain silent—or when to offer wisdom and when to patiently wait for wisdom to be discovered another way.

Ask, Seek, Knock

God loves to give wisdom, so Jesus says we should cultivate a habit of asking for it.

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“Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened for you. For everyone who asks will receive, and the one who seeks will find, and to the one who knocks, it will be opened.”

Matthew 7:7-8 Keep Reading

The God of the Bible is like a wise and generous parent. Even misguided parents still often want to do what’s best for their children. How much more, Jesus says, will our heavenly Father give good gifts to his children when they ask? And the gift we need from God is more wisdom.

The Golden Rule

Jesus ends this section of teaching with one of his most memorable wisdom sayings.

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“So then, everything you desire that people would do to you, so you should do to them.”

Matthew 7:12 Keep Reading

When life is complicated and God’s wisdom feels far off—when it's tough to know what it means to “do right” by another person—Jesus says to start with empathy. How would I like to be treated? How would I want others to offer God’s wisdom to me? We all want to receive kindness and patience and ultimately to know that we’re loved. Jesus encourages us to start with empathy for others and then continue loving one another with every ounce of wisdom that our generous God gives us.

The Big Idea

Jesus teaches us to live rightly with each other, encouraging us to show mercy instead of judgment and to depend on God’s wisdom—not our own. Righteousness, or right-relating with God and others, is the foundation of life in God’s Kingdom.